Clinton Portis Speaks About Living With Fear

This is straight from ESPN.com. Clinton Portis (Washington Redskins running back) speaks about what the death of teammate and best friend Sean Taylor means to him, and how that has pushed him this year. It's a good read:

Under his game jersey, Redskins running back Clinton Portis, 27, always wears a T-shirt honoring his late teammate, safety Sean Taylor. Powered by his friend's memory, Portis is on pace for one of his best seasons ever—and resolute that fear won't control his life when he steps off the field.

Right now, who is better to target than an athlete? Bankers are losing jobs. Real estate gurus are losing jobs. Wall Street is losing jobs. Lots of people getting humble, but an athlete's money is constant.

I know a lot of players who think, Oh, man they ain't gonna get me. I watch where I'm going. No one's sneaking up on me. I say to them, Anybody can be touched. If somebody wants to get to you, there ain't no limits. Sean was home with his family, and they got to him.

But even with what happened, I can't walk around in fear. Out of fear your reaction is going to be totally different. If I don't know you and you walk up on me too fast, do I shoot first and ask questions later? Because I'm living in fear? You could be running to tell me my car lights are on. It's tricky, though. When you put on that uniform, you have to be fearless—and it's hard to turn off. A banker in Sean's position would've probably just called the police that night. But as an athlete, Sean's reaction was embedded in him.

I don't think the NFL is ever going to be the same. It's less fun now. Everything's a worry, on and off the field. People feel like you are obligated to them. I was at a charity event the other night and I had a man come up to me and grab me, hard, as if we were close friends. It was one of those hard grabs, around the neck, the way people who don't know you shouldn't touch you. So I turned around looking at him like, uh, do I know you? And his response was "I pay your salary, I'm a season ticket holder." Now, what do season tickets cost? Twenty thousand dollars? Pay my salary? Man, I don't make $20,000.

I worked hard for what I got. This life wasn't given to me. It wasn't eenie, meanie, miney, mo: I win. I've been fighting for what I got my whole life and it was hard work. I've seen everything. I've lost family members. I've held an AK-47, I've held assault rifles. I've seen crack sitting beside me. I've seen cocaine sitting beside me. But I stayed clean and found a way to steer myself away from all that. People are upset with me because I'm successful? You should try being successful too.

But remembering Sean gives me a power, a will to fight through. Earlier this season against the Steelers, we're down 23-6, and the game's kinda over with, and I'm just in there for blitz pickup to knock heads with a linebacker. But I'm still fighting, looking for someone to punish. It's that kinda toughness. That's what I get from thinking of Sean.

You Are Not Alone

Dan Lian came all the way from Australia share with us this message yesterday. It had such a big impact on me that I felt like sharing it.

Mark 4:35-41 reads:

That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

We all go through difficult times in our lives. We could be facing a difficult situation, or maybe just be waiting for an answer to a prayer. Sometimes it feels like we are going at this all alone, like Jesus is sleeping. We start thinking that God is not listening, or maybe he just forgot about us. I know I've been there. Just like in the passage, we start wondering "don't you care if we drown?"

But we have to remember three things:

1) He is in your boat. Just as Jesus was there with the disciples when they thought they would die in the storm, he is with us. He said "I will never leave you nor will I forsake you." He doesn't make promises He cannot keep. Let's remember that!

2) He is in control. Jesus shows us his power and sovereignty by calming the storm that worried the disciples. He allows our troubles. He understands our troubles. He has the power to control the storm in our lives.

3)He will act. In His time, He will act. He rebuked the winds and they died down. It is through the "silence" that we will learn to trust in Him. Jesus says, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" He allows us to face the storm so that we can learn to trust in Him. I find myself scared sometimes, afraid of what may come. I ask God, why am I going through this? What's going to happen? Help! But I have to learn to trust in Him! He has it all under control! God tells us to learn to trust in Him and He will fill us with peace that passes all understanding.

So, whenever you feel alone, and you feel like in your life Jesus is asleep, just remember: He is still in your boat. The bible mentions "Fear not for I am with you" 365 times. He is with us every single day of our lives!! That's some pretty awesome reassurance. Jesus is in your boat!

Have a wonderful day =]

911

BL Ochman reflection:

I went back finally. I walked through Battery Park for the first time since I lost my memory there on 9/11.

I remember nothing from right after the first building fell around 9:30 a.m., until 1:30 p.m., when an emergency worker asked me if I needed help and I said I guessed I did. My dog, Sammy, and I were taken to a hospital in Jersey City via ferry and then an ambulance. When we got on the ferry, my brave, beautiful golden dog, who led me away from the disaster so confidently, crawled onto my lap and every fiber of his enormous body shook for the next twenty minutes. I never thought they’d let me bring a 90-pound Lab into the hospital, but when we got out of the ambulance, they were so happy to see survivors that they welcomed us with open arms and even gave Sammy sandwiches and ice cream.

“I’m ok,” I insisted. “Take care of the people who are hurt.” Late that night, we left the hospital to begin a complicated journey that included homelessness, mercury poisoning, a couple of bouts of “atypical pneumonia," and three years of treatment for PTSD.

I'm fine almost all the time now. Still hyper-aware of sirens going by when nobody else seems to pay them any mind. Still dislike days when the sky is bright blue and completely cloudless. That's a 9/11 sky. My eyes always seem to be drawn to clocks precisely at 9:11. Tonight, the time between 9:10 and 9:12 seemed like hours.

So when I went back to the park in July, I thought I’d remember more. But instead it was like a movie in slow motion, and it was surreal.

One memory came back last year – of how I got the woman’s slip that I carried with me for months. It floated into my outstretched hands as the wind brought it from a jumper. I’m sorry, so very sorry to that woman’s family. Because I couldn't remember how I got it, and I eventually threw the slip away. I didn't realize then that it might have had DNA that could have given her family closure.

Today, I’d like to honor that woman’s memory and send love to the people who miss her. I can’t remember, but I do understand.

Obama on Letterman 9/10/08

Pretty good interview! Funny as well. Check it out...

Kicking Knowledge

I recently spoke with my cousin about an issue I am going through, and he had these words of wisdom for me:

Espera en Dios, si El esta permitiendo que esta puerta se cierre es porque tiene algo mejor para ti. Busca y encontraras, solo ten Fe en El!

Suddenly, something that was demoralizing became so simple! I guess I lost sight of what really matters, and had started to be come selfish. Instead of trusting in God, I thought I could do everything myself and was thinking too much on my shortcomings. I need to focus on my strengths and trust that God will help move me forward!

First Entry

HEELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright, let's get this thing cracken. First things first, what to expect from my blog: I dunno, you tell me. Expect the unexpected. And beyond, at least that's what my initial motive is. I will post my thoughts for the day, and they may vary from sports, to music, economics, technology, nothingness, whatever.

I am running short on time, so I thought I would kick it off with a link. Please take the time to read the full post from HornetsHype.com:

Don’t tell me what my city needs and does not need. You weren’t there. You came to party, but you didn’t want the baggage. You weren’t there with the doors hanging open and banging in the wind, up and down an eerily empty street littered with debris. You weren’t there when the traffic lights didn’t work for a year. You weren’t there when the Saints scored a touchdown 90 seconds into the first home game after Katrina, and a whole city leapt up in unison, and it meant something.

In the wake of Gustav, many of us were praying New Orleans be spared from another tragedy. It is very hard for me to comprehend what took place three years ago, both spiritually and emotionally. To live through Katrina, lose the only place you have called home, feel betrayed by your own country, and still be able to say "New Orleans, I can't quit you" is simply... amazing. Or something. I was just in awe reading that article. Please read it.